At any moment he’ll be walking through that door, but he won’t fine me behind it.

Cause the feeling is gone, and it just won’t come back anymore.

I worked so hard to find it.

They say that when the honeymoon period of the relationship ends, that’s when real relationship starts. Because after all the “newness” fades, a lot of factors come in to play that will either make or break your relationship. When the love bug’s bite heals, reality sets in, and the once giddy feelings that you had is replaced with a sense of normalcy. Things become routine and prosaic, which is not too bad right? Wrong! It must never become too mundane, that would be spelling out trouble.

Allow me to point out something that will shed light to this discussion. Relationships are like cake; it must be made with great care and remade with even greater care. The consistency must be always be the same; quality should never be sacrificed for quantity. Nothing can compare to taking that first bite and have the flavor melt in your mouth. If it isn’t made well, it won’t evoke those same feelings. The point is, relationships or the dynamics within the relationship will always change over time, but one thing will always remain constant, and without it, the relationship will be like tasteless low quality cake. What is that thing you ask?

LOVE.

To quote Leonardo Da Vinci from the film Ever After, (one of my favorite movies of all time) “A life without love, is no life at all”.Love, like cake, must be made and remade, or it will lose its essence and die a natural death.

There are different kinds of love, and according to Plato there are two, Impersonal and Interpersonal love. Impersonal love is what you feel for certain objects, animals, or activities that you emotionally attach yourself to. They could also be your goals and the principles that you wish to achieve and uphold .Whereas Interpersonal love is what you feel when you connect with other human beings, and in this case, since I am discussing about relationships, that is the love that you feel for your significant other.

When in the process of spending time with said significant other, one goes through the requisite stages before finally landing the kind of love that propels people to say, commit to each other till death to they part.

Upon the initial stage one undergoes “Philia” which means “friendship” in modern Greek. It is a dispassionate virtuous love; which is a concept that was created by Aristotle. Philia is what solidifies bonds between two people. It is in theory, the base that keeps relationships together. This then moves to a stage called “Romantic love” this is the dating period, which is best defined by the “firsts” by firsts I mean, the usual things that boosts the relationship to the next level like well, to point the obvious, there’s the first time you say “I love you”, the first kiss, perhaps even the first fight & so on. This is also the stage that makes people do those rather crazy things, short of hiring a sky writer to broadcast one’s feelings to the world. Romantic love is all about excitement and anticipation, fireworks and sparks; butterflies in the stomach and goose bump on one’s skin – it is what makes relationships special. The next stage is perhaps the most intense one; it’s called Eros, which is Greek for “Passionate Love”. Eros is the stage wherein people come to appreciate their partners; they not only get to appreciate the beauty of the person, but also the beauty within the person. Loosely translated Eros could also mean “Love of body”. It’s basically being one with somebody on a level that no other person gets to experience. The 3 elements: friendship, romance, and passion is what fuels a healthy and loving relationship.

Not all relationships make use of all 3 elements. Some relationships begin with passion, but as we all know without a deeper foundation (friendship) when passion fizzles out, the bond is most likely to fade just as fast. Some relationships take out the element of “Philia”. These relationships are intense and exciting on the surface, however, if there is no fortifying bond (friendship) these people won’t be able to share a profound connection.

Essentially, friendship is very important in a relationship, but I’m not saying that the other two don’t matter. Going back to my metaphor, If we were to say that having a relationship is like baking a cake then, friendship is all the raw ingredients that are mixed in a bowl (Eggs, flour, yeast, etc.). Passion is the oven that is heated at just the right temperature to cook all those ingredients, Romance is the icing and sprinkles that make everything extra tasty and aesthetically pleasing.

Without friendship, well, technically you have no cake. Without passion, you don’t have anything to cook your ingredients and bring out the flavor. Without romance, simply put, you would have one dull looking cake.

So there you go, that’s a somewhat detailed dissection on love for you. As I have mentioned, love and all its sub-parts is the essence of a relationship.

So here’s the dilemma. What happens when you lose that loving feeling?

I’ve been up, down, trying to get that feeling again,

All around, trying to get that feeling again,

The one that made me shiver; make my knees start to quiver every time he walks in.

I’ve searched high, low, looked everywhere I possibly can,

But there’s just no trying to get that feeling again,

It seemed to disappear as fast as it came.

Lord knows it didn’t just go POOF overnight. It seems it has been disappearing year after year and I didn’t notice it until it was too late. Now all I feel, or rather, I don’t feel anything at all but an aching numbness.

Read every book, looked for every medication and poem,

Just to bring home that old sweet sensation

But it ain’t no use to me, to try to get that feeling again.

Where did it run to?

I thought I’ve done all that I could to keep the love burning,

But whatever I’ve done, I just haven’t done it too good,

Cause all that’s left is yearning.

I  guess I’m still trapped in the past, unable to move on. Unable to let go of past grievances and inevitably like a house of cards, it all just came toppling down. In my defense, I have done every thing short of having a total nervous break down (which actually happened anyway) from trying to make my relationship perfect, which I think, cost me a great chunk of my sanity.

Is it wrong to want that old spark back, instead of living with the old shoe feeling? I have been disgustingly female about the whole thing from the start, expecting things that no normal male would dredge up on his own sans a literal neon colored sigh telling him what to do.

This is the greatest fault of all females since the world began. (I can imagine women in caves hinting their males to stop dragging them by their hair, and switch to holding hands instead har, har). Digressing aside, our greatest mistake is keeping quiet, expecting that the men in our lives have somehow moved up the evolutionary chart and developed the ability to read minds. Yep, it is a big mistake to keep one’s pie-hole shut when it comes to stuff that we want and need. I don’t know why I keep falling into that idea that the males that I read about, that happen to be products of a female author’s mind, know what to do. They seem to know how to melt a girl. It’s no secret that I take pleasure in reading those bloody romance novels to somehow live vicariously through the girl being wooed and pursued. Silly me, those men are the projections of the author’s hidden desires or even deep fantasies. Dear lord, I’ve become one of those females that are perpetually stuck in LA – LA land, drooling over fictitious men, I mean, what male would come up with stuff like that any way? Perhaps I should give them more credit,; maybe the resourceful ones have a few aces up their sleeve.

Honestly, the old shoe feeling may be comfortable and familiar, but if it is kept that way, it can ruin any relationship.

I want to find my way back to that place where everything was less of a disaster, and more of a warm cocoon that kept the cruel world at bay. Regrettably, I have lost that; I can’t seem to snap out of it.

The thought that seems to be playing on an unending loop in my head is “I don’t want to be like my Mother, married to someone who gives her more reasons to splinter apart than to radiate with joy”. Perhaps they were happy once before whatever foundation of their relationship crumbled away, and caused them to just drift apart. A trace of the affection is still there, but I know they lost something along the way.

Well, would you look at that, I have just spelled out a hint of my psychological profile, and perhaps for an encore I will narrate the horrors of being related to raving philanderers, libertines, and perpetual jerks, not to mention rather helpless and tolerant women who love to turn the other cheek. Ugh!

Fine, as corny as if may sound, I need to find my way back in to love. Get that warm and fuzzy feeling again., and work on my cake baking skills.

Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye

Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues
But you’re pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out I’m nothing without you

Being with you
Is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn’t miss you
But I can’t let you go…

‘Cause we belong together now…

And yeah…

My Life Would Suck Without You

]]> http://trishieefish.wordpress.com/2010/01/10/65/feed/ 0 trishieefish http://trishieefish.wordpress.com/2010/01/10/being-from-the-planet-psycho/ http://trishieefish.wordpress.com/2010/01/10/being-from-the-planet-psycho/#comments Sun, 10 Jan 2010 09:26:12 +0000 trishieefish http://trishieefish.wordpress.com/?p=59 ]]>

He stares at me as if in a trance, from the corner of my eye I can see him still as a rock,eyes glued on me. There are moments when I walk past him and I can feel his eyes trained on me, the back of my head might as well burst into flames. He stares at me constantly, at times I think he doesn’t notice that he is doing it, it has become quite a habit. He offers me food, and leaves me little knick-knacks that other people may think is a thoughtful gesture. He cannot refuse my requests and seems to lose his train of thought when I speak to him. I notice him starting at me again for the umpteenth time – I suppose I should be flattered, but truthfully I’m not.

Like some maiden in a harlequin novel, being pursued by a young man is the idyllic set-up for a romantic tale. To be desired, wooed, and in some way – worshiped would be any female’s dream. To be the object of someone’s undying – obsession -affection and devotion, what else can a girl ask for right?

Regretfully, I have to take a pin and quickly burst that notion, because this is not a harlequin novel, and if it was, the man who the readers assume to be the dashing love of the fair maiden, is actually the despicable villain of the tale.

Upon further reflection, you will realize that he was forward enough to presume that the maiden was returning his rather improper advances. Read between the lines, and you will notice the maiden quickly averting her eyes when he arrives, not for fear of blushing as he stares at her longingly, she does this to avoid meeting those lecherous and maniacal eyes. She quells the urge to shiver, not from pleasure mind you, but from unease.

Usually as the tale progresses the villain goes too far, and becomes a threat to the life of the maiden. He becomes consumed with the desire to posses her, which would be the apt moment for the maiden’s dashing love to come barreling in with his saber unsheathed to defend the maiden’s honor from being impugned by that dastardly cretin.

Ideally that’s what happens in harlequin novels, although that would be much appreciated (having a male come to your rescue and what not), in this century, some maidens can defend their honor well enough to take up their own saber and hack the villain to pieces.

I’m fairly certain that I am in no danger from the “villain”; I believe he’s just an over zealous if not over-friendly individual in a sense that his craziness “friendliness” came in the form of the overwhelming onslaught of his presence, with his desire to strike up inane tête-à-tête’s and what I assumed were friendly offerings of snacks. That’s what I thought at first, “he’s just too friendly” but then with the constant personal space invasion, prolonged ogling fests, and pseudo-anonymous offerings of food (which I sometimes feared were laced with some voodoo love charm) – friendliness warped into some miniscule form of harassment.

As much as possible, I eschew from thinking the worst of people. Like Clark Kent in Smallville, I have the exasperating ability to make excuses for people, and pardon them from what ever minor grievances that they commit., which has more or less become a detriment to my compos mentis. However, this nature of mine has an expiration period, and when that happens, those past grievances bubble up to the surface, which I use to feed my rage.

I handled the staring quite well (with some minor difficulty masking my disgust over being gawked at like a piece of meat on display). I entertain him when he gathers the nerve to talk to me, which I really do not mind at all, I do occasionally enjoy swapping stories with people, but sometimes he can be very impertinent and annoying.- I think he has no clear concept of “personal space”. Or even propriety. I accept his “gifts” graciously, even if I think it’s weird sometimes. I even tolerate the teasing from other people over his antics where I am concerned.

Taking all that into consideration, I have indulged this little act of mini-harassment err… over friendliness of his, but then he went and abused my good nature. One day I innocently spied pictures on his personal laptop which contained my personal pictures, I assumed that it was a website, I didn’t get a clear look at the lay out. I dismissed this as paranoia on my part, but couldn’t help but feel oddly discomfited.

Just the other day, upon borrowing my USB for some file transfer that I needed, he made some innocent remark about using his own USB because I had pictures in mine. It would seems innocent enough, true, I did have pictures in my USB in the folder labeled “Pictures”, any one who borrowed it would see the folder. Like I said, it seemed innocent enough, were it not for the odd gleam in his eye. Belatedly when the thought wedged itself in my mind, a chain of events caused the synapses in my brain to fire rapidly, which signaled a major light bulb moment A sick feeling seized me, those pictures that I saw on his laptop were copied from my USB. The creep copied my pictures!!!!

Common decency would have made other people simply add the files that I asked for to my USB, and eschew doing an Indiana Jones with my personal files. Decent human beings would ask permission to copy files; come to think of it, decent human beings would not want to copy personal pictures of other people.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury what else is there left to conclude, other that the fact that the person that I am dealing with has no sense of decency and is ergo not a normal human being. He is a being from the planet Psycho, a citizen of Creepy Ville, and an apt poster boy for the United Nations of budding stalkers.

Yes, some girls might (emphasis on might) become flattered by all this attention, but honestly if this were to spiral into something horrible, people might find my pictures on lamp posts and police stations bearing the message “Missing: have you seen this girl?”. I would probably be found in a hidden room in creepy guy’s basement, and most likely I’d be chained to the wall. – But I don’t see things going that way (one would hope so).

Again, I’m just exaggerating. Still, what he did was out of line and downright creepy.

I actually like confident men, but there is a difference to being confident and being too damn forward and shameless. A confident man who gets rejected by a girl can sheepishly grin and go back to his buddies to have a good laugh. A shameless creep who can somehow pass himself off as “confident” does not have the word “reject” in his dictionary. The word “reject” to him means, keep coming back for more, till she caves in.

Men like him think “No” actually means “Yes” and “Go away” means “Take me I’m yours”.

God save the women who fall prey to these lusty Lotharios. God help the women who actually buy their act.

I do not know if I am to blame for his atrocity or if it is a case of bad luck and poor judgment calls. If I look at this objectively I can honestly say that I was perhaps too lenient and should have put up a you-do-not-want-to-mess-with-me aura. I should have put up a stronger front instead of being overly charitable. Clark Kent and I may share the good nature, unfortunately, I have no super powers. Although, if I had his powers, considering my rage, I would not hesitate to super punch Mc Creepo back to his planet.

This is definitely something to add to my future manual for “How-to-detect-creeps for dummies”.

Note to self, and to other concerned females. A normal guy enjoys the view, but politely stops when it is no longer deemed proper, like say, short of burning a hole on your face from staring too damn long. A normal guy takes the hint when told “No” and graciously leaves you be, he does not pester you any more unless you initiate contact. Unless you reciprocate his feelings, welcome his advances, or tell him directly that you are into him, a normal guy does not assume that you like him when you smile at him, nor does he interpret that you are madly in love with him if you ignore him if he’s being a jerk. A normal guy may life to acquire your picture if you are so inclined as to bestow him the honor of keeping it, he does not however copy pictures from a social networking website and plaster it all over his walls. Big tip: normal guys may keep one, two or say, five pictures of you, the crazies make your picture their wallpaper (and I don’t mean for the phone or the computer).

The list goes on and on, I should take notes from Mariah Carey and write a song, how did her song go again?

Finally found a girl that you couldn’t impress
Last man on the earth- still couldn’t get this

You’re delusional, you’re delusional
Boy you’re losing your mind
It’s confusin yo’, you’re confused you know
Why you wasting your time?

Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex
See right through you like you’re bathin’ in windex
Ooh Ohh Ohh boy why you so obsessed with me?

As I stared at the sky, unblinking, unfeeling,, a figure slowly approached me. As it neared me it cast a shadow and blocked my view of the sky. I directed my eyes at the stranger, not feeling anything, not fear, annoyance, nothing. We locked eyes and then he spoke in a voice that echoed in a heavenly way: “Why are you lying in the snow?” I shrugged and answered simply, “I don’t know”. Then I looked away. The figure crouched “Take my hand”. I stared at the hand that he extended to me and wondered if it was wise to take it, I was perfectly content lying in my bed of snow, “Just take my hand” he implored, “This is no place for you”.

I hesitated, who was this stranger who somehow appeared out of nowhere? What business did he have intruding on my peace? As these thoughts churned in my head, he never withdrew his hand.

“Just take my hand” he says again, “No one should be here out in the cold”.

“I don’t feel anything” I told him, “I don’t feel cold at all”.

“Please take my hand” he beseeched me in that sing-song voice of his.

I don’t know what it was that compelled me, his voice or perhaps how his eyes somehow had the ability to look into my soul, I took his hand, which made him smile. “Don’t let go okay? Do not let go” I nodded and he pulled me up.

His hand was warm, and like some jolt of magic, I felt warm as well. from the very tips of my toes to my head. I looked down and questioned my vision as the rose that I was clutching turned red; that same color dripped to my gown and infused it with color. I gasped as the snow seemed to thaw around us bringing sunshine, the sound of birds chirping, and the full bloom of spring. I took all of this in feeling that strange warmth that was blazing from the hand that I was holding, I gazed at the stranger beside me and blinked. It was as if I was seeing him for the first time. He had eyes that reminded me of hot chocolate and a smile that warmed me to the core and brought a magical thump to my heart. Twas then I realized that he was the source of all this unexplainable warmth.

“Who are you?” I asked him.
He smiled, “Don’t you know?”
I shook my head, “No, who are you?”
His eyes glowed in silent mischief, he leaned forward and whispered. “My name is the one you whisper in your sleep…”
I stared at him, willing him to claim it was a jest. “You can’t be”
He grinned, “Yeah I am, I’m just taking a human form at the moment…”

In my shock I l forgot my promise and let go of his hand. I heard him gasp as the rush of the bitter cold of winter enveloped us and the garden was bled out of color and life.

“What’s happening?” I stared in horror as the last traces of blooms turned black and was blanketed once again by the snow. I turned to ask him to bring it back but I lost all coherent thought as I watched him fading along with the garden.

“NO!” I screamed, and reached out only to feel nothing.

“I’ll watch over you” He said, his eyes conveyed his sadness, and as his ghostlike body slowly dissolved into the wind, the last thing I saw was him in his true form. The image broke my heart.

Once again I was left in the cold, but not feeling the cold. I sagged to my knees staring out at the barren land of white that surrounded me feeling so utterly empty and alone.

As Christmas rolled by rather quickly, fireworks boomed in the background and I was in my room sitting on the floor trying to comfort five little puppies that were frightened by all the commotion. I played songs t o drown out the noise, I held each one of them hoping to calm them. The feeling that crept up the day before came back with a vengeance, I suppressed the urge to laugh or cry at how hapless I was, but before I could do that, the song changed… I froze.

I stared at the speakers and hugged my knees, something let out a little yelp in between my legs, In my bewilderment, I had all but forgotten the little ball of fur that sat there. I picked him up and gave him a little kiss. He then looked up at me with the same brown eyes as the man in my dream, and at that very moment what ever feeling that held me prisoner suddenly released me. I hugged my puppy close, and in some way even if I was alone, I knew that someone was watching over me…

In the words of the song made famous by Rhianna

“But you put on quite a show, really had megoing. Now it’s time to go, curtain’s finally closing. That was quite a show, very entertaining. – but it’s over now, go on and take a bow…”

In a world full of pretenders, it is hard to distinguish the real thing when you are surrounded by poor replicas. Or better yet, it’s hard to find your one true love in a crowd, your true Prince Charming when you are surrounded by actors putting on a show, telling you what you want to hear and doing things just to razzle dazzle you, but ultimately they just hurt you in the end.

Prince Charming indeed. The stuff of dreams, and nightmares alike.

I waited for my fairytale,

Waiting for Prince Charming to come up to me on his white horse

To take my hand, and to the sunset off we ride

The fairy tale ending is not as magical as it seems

Then my eyes opened, and twas then I realized

Happily Ever After was just a dream

Fairy tales are nothing but lies.

I held on to my happy thoughts so that I could touch the skies

But then a nightmare popped into my head

And propelled me off my bed

Pixie dust does not encourage flight

Happy thoughts don’t make you fly…

When I was thirteen I was obsessed with the idea of falling in love. Little did I know that years later that obsession has ruined me for life.

Back in the day, when the tale of the Princess and the Frog was told, it usually went “And the princess took the frog,, kissed it, and suddenly the frog turned into a handsome Prince”. Times have changed it seems, for in Disney’s remake of the classic fairytale, it goes: “The penniless Prince who was turned into

a frog finds a Princess atop a balcony gazing at a star, hoping to make a wish for her dreams to come true. He asks the Princess (but truthfully, it was a regular waitress dressed as a Princess) to kiss him, The “Princess” totally repulsed by this idea, stares at the frog and thinks “Uh-uh no, way”, but the frog Prince promises to reward her (when in truth his parents cut him off, and he has plans to marry a wealthy heiress), The “Princess” unaware of this, thinks of her own need for money, which will allow her to put up the restaurant of her dreams, so she reluctantly acquiesces. Suppressing the urge to gag,, she takes the frog and kisses him. Unfortunately, both of them did not get the outcome that they expected. The Prince was still a slimy frog, and in kissing the Prince, this turned our girl into a frog as well.”

The pair go off to have a rather profound and magical adventure with the aid of a talented jazz playing Alligator, an optimistic firefly, and a very vague voodoo lady. Of course, without giving much away, in the end, both the frog Prince and the Waitress were turned back into humans. Extracting the Disney magic and epiphany- inducing musical numbers, what did I learn from the tale? You can keep dreaming of Prince Charming, and hope to find him someday, but that whole kissing frogs and finding Princes is overrated. Here’s the deal,, like I said, I’m pulling out the Disney magic, taking it from the revamped story – when you make deals with a charming a frog Prince, who claims that you have the power to turn him into who he really is, a “Prince”, it would be wise to hike up your dress and run the other way. Lest you ignore my advice and go ahead and kiss him, you better believe it that not only will you end up with a rather charming frog, (who will never turn in to a Prince), you will end up a frog yourself.

You do not have the power to change someone, only they have the power to change themselves. Perhaps you may inspire, or become the proper impetus that will compel that person to change, but you will never really be able to will them to change. That is just a futile and horrible endeavor that will leave you dejected, or worse, irreparably broken in the process.

All girls, or maybe those who were (brainwashed) err… captivated enough by all the tales of magic and finding true love can attest that they wish to find their version of “Prince Charming”, which is akin to finding a needle in a haystack. I’m even thinking that the Prince Charming bloodline has been wiped out by callous unprincipled brutes, wannabe knights-in rusty armor, and clumsy court jesters who aspire to have their very own Princess, or in some cases considering Prince Charming is M.I.A they are lucky enough to land a Princess. Like I said, some (or all girls, give or take) want to end up with Prince Charming, but if they are not careful enough, they might end up with a frog masquerading as a Prince.

Come to think if it, it is an equally wonderful outcome to be found instead of being the one doing the finding…. Allow me to explain.

Every girl who saw Prince Phillip kiss the Sleeping Beauty (Aurora) sighed and wished for a similar fate (minus the menacing Dragon guarding the Castle, and sleeping for a hundred years of course). I mean what girl would not swoon over the idea of a guy braving the odds of goings through a forest of thorns, then facing the threat of being barbequed by a fire-breathing Dragon, (an evil fairy incognito to boot-) just to breathe life into you with true love’s kiss?

The best thing other than finding Prince Charming is if Prince Charming finds you first. – with the bonus that he has gone through hell and back for you. Hey, if the guy isn’t given a hard time, he will most likely treat you like his chamber maid and not like a Princess.

As my Mother loves to remind me (not this eloquently, though):

Men who pursue you have to work to earn your love. It is their privilege, not their god-given right to be loved by a girl like yourself. Make it too easy, give in too quickly, and they will either walk all over you. OR they will walk away from you.

Men after all are hunters by nature (popular culture seems to say so); they love the thrill of the chase, they love a good hunt. I mean how boring could that be if the deer just goes “Okay you got me, strike true hunter, I’m good as lunch”

Examples of the men who had to work to earn their Princesses:

Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty) hacked at a forest of thorns, did battle with a fire-breathing Dragon / evil fairy, and braved Aurora’s morning breath.

The Beast (Beauty and the Beast) after being cursed for his horrible attitude by an old woman,

The Beast a.k.a Prince Adam (yeah, he has a name) tries to work on his attitude problem while wining and dinning with the girl who may possibly be the key to break his curse. Throw in an angry mob or two and the knowledge that your life is measured by the number of petals on a rose, the Beast had some major work to do before Belle’s tearful “I love you” presto change-oed him into… Prince Adam.

Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid) manned a sunken ship to defeat the super-sized sea witch Ursula.

Let’s just skip Aladdin, the Prince from Cinderella and Snow White, the point is, the abovementioned Princes had to go to the moon and back for their fair maidens. Any girl in the real world who demands less is well, low maintenance, desperate, or is in need of a self-esteem boost. I’m not advocating male torture here, just the proper care of females. Females are to be cherished, not to be displayed like some collectible knick-knack and left out to gather dust till the interest wanes then you move on to the new and improved version of said collectible knick-knack.

Okay, where was I before I was waylaid by all the thoughts of how men bore easily and must be taught to know better? Ahhh…. Yes, the best thing other than finding Prince Charming is if Prince Charming finds you first.

In the film August Rush, August is asked a question that pretty much struck me in its simplicity.

Wizard: What do you want to be in the world? I mean the whole world. What do you want to be? Close your eyes and think about that.

August Rush: Found.

One word, five letters – FOUND.

In the end we all want to be found. To be cherished It is not really about finding Prince Charming.. That’s just a dream, an image of perfection that some girls wish they could have. All things considered, it would be nice to live one moment of being something special than live a lifetime of being nothing at all. That is what finding Prince Charming is all about, being special enough to get the guy, or being special enough for the guy to take notice. It’s finding that guy who can pick your face out in a crowd. The one who approaches you when you are huddled in the corner all by yourself. The one who really sees you, when the rest of the world just passes you by. Like I said, it’s about being found.

But then, some of us remain invisible, sitting by the corner staring as people standing cheek to cheek dace the night away. They comfort themselves with the idea of make-believe instead.

And now I’m all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he’s here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I’m happy
With the company I’m keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own

Pretending he’s beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it’s only in my mind
That I’m talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there’s a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river’s just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I’m learning
All my life
I’ve only been pretending
Without me
His world would go on turning
A world that’s full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

Prince Charming, the stuff of dreams for those who find him, the stuff of daydreams for those who don’t,and the stuff of nightmares for those who unmasks the pretender under the handsome face.

Do we really have to kiss a hundred frogs before we find our Prince? The better question is, do we really need to find Prince Charming?

As the message in Disney’s The Princess and The Frog goes: What you want, is not what you always need. Ergo, taking the dream of Prince Charming away, bottom line, you just need to find someone to love, who will love you back- and if he happens to come with a white horse and a Castle that wouldn’t be so bad.

]]> http://trishieefish.wordpress.com/2009/07/16/pseudo-vampire-diary/feed/ 0 trishieefish http://trishieefish.wordpress.com/2009/04/02/dum-dum-dum-dumb/ http://trishieefish.wordpress.com/2009/04/02/dum-dum-dum-dumb/#comments Thu, 02 Apr 2009 20:24:57 +0000 trishieefish http://trishieefish.wordpress.com/?p=20 ]]>

Here’s a rather thorny question that has plagued humanity for eons, or probably for one time in my life it happened to be extremely significant- and if it weren’t for my crazy penchant for devouring novels by the dozens, the debate wouldn’t have been roused from its slumber…. Ah… the age old question (in my mind or perhaps in the minds of other individuals as well):

Cue scene:

Richard White: Were you in love with him?
Lois Lane: He’s Superman. Everyone was in love with him.
Richard White: But were you?
Lois Lane: [pause] … No.

In The Notebook, James Marsden plays Lon Hammon Jr. In this film he is also, uhemmm… engaged to Allie Hamilton(Rachel McAdam’s character). They meet  after Allie’s  meddling and deprecatory mother separates her from the love of her life, Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling’s character).  Allie who suffered from a tremendous heartbreak thinking that Noah didn’t care about her anymore, allowed herself to move on.

~Edward Cullen~

And this is the price that you pay

The doors they close like eyelids
The train just pulled away
Sometimes I smell the perfume that she was wearing that day
And i wonder if there’s anyone that I’ll ever love in any way
Maybe I’ll grow up and be good someday
Maybe this pain I feel will go away

Song Title: Smart in a Stupid Way
Performed by: Ashlee Simpson and Steven Strait

She feels the blow as he gazes at his lady love, and she wonders why she continues to stare. All his life; she stood by his side, and yet he never knew she was there. Even though she was lucky enough to receive his smiles, she knew they never belonged to her. His touch, his words, his laughter, his melting stare- were ephemeral pieces of heaven that she cherished. But right from the very start, she knew whatever she managed to steal would never be enough, because all that time, all that time another girl had his heart.
As she sat there watching them, she muttered to herself:
“This is my fate, I will always be the girl in love with the man who is loving somebody else.”

And this is the price that you pay
For being smart in a stupid way
You stand there staring while your lover walks away
Being smart, in a stupid way
So why is my heart so hollow
Why are my dreams so shallow
And why don’t I ever have anything else to say
And why is my love so far away

He stares at her, a smiling angel, and wonders why he has lost the ability to breathe. “I’m in love with her” he whispers to himself, “but she’s not in love with me”. He sits in a darkened room plagued by her smiling face, her laughter echoes amid the gloom, his misery continues for days.

And this is the price that you pay
For being smart in a stupid way
You stand there staring while your lover walks away
Being smart, in a stupid way.

Upon hearing the song “Smart in a Stupid Way” I’m compelled once more to give my insights on the topic of love- or rather the topic on the follies of falling in love.

I’ll Never Fall In Love Again
Elvis Costello

What do you get when you fall in love?
A diamond pin to burst your bubble
That’s what you get for all your trouble
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a girl
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, she’ll never phone you
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

Don’t tell me what it’s all about
‘Cause I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out
Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I’m here to remind you

What do you get when you give your heart
You get it all broken up and battered
That’s what you get, a heart that’s shattered
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I’m here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So for at least until tomorrow
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

Love opens the heart, blinds the eyes, and clouds the mind. Love can make even the smartest person in the planet loose his/her wits.

Samson allowed Delilah to cut his hair.
Adam took a bite from the forbidden fruit as prompted by Eve.
Caesar and Mark Anthony were charmed and seduced by the alluring Cleopatra.
Katie Holmes converted to Scientology for Tom Cruise.
Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s couch because of Katie Holmes…

Let’s cut to the chase…. When in love, we become crazy, in Tom’s case, he was sooo crazy about Katie that he was compelled to show it by jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch, which astonished millions of viewers. It was quite a sight that prompted some of the people in the media to mock him and dub him as “unstable” and just downright demented.

This incident gave birth to the phrase “jumping the couch. It’s a phrase used to describe someone who makes a total fool out of him/herself in public to the point that it ruins their reputation.

In Tom’s defense, the dude was in love. I don’t know if it flattered Katie or anything seeing Tom overtly express his feelings for her, but I’m sure a great deal of ladies out there would kill for something like that- though in a more subdued way I suppose.

The point is, before I digressed on and on about Tom Cruise- Love makes us do crazy things, either in a good or bad way.

When You Love Someone
Byan Adams

When you love someone – youll do anything
You’ll do all the crazy things that you cant explain
You’ll shoot the moon – put out the sun
When you love someone

You’ll deny the truth – believe a lie
There’ll be times that youll believe you can really fly
But your lonely nights – have just begun
When you love someone

When you love someone – youll feel it deep inside
And nothing else can ever change your mind
When you want someone – when you need someone
When you love someone…

When you love someone – you’ll sacrifice
You’d give it everything you got and you wont think twice
You’d risk it all – no matter what may come
When you love someone
You’ll shoot the moon – put out the sun
When you love someone

The thing is, when we allow ourselves to fall in love with someone, actually, our consent is not necessary, we just fall in love period. When that happens, we open up ourselves to the other person. We bear hearts, we become vulnerable- this is the risk we take when we allow ourselves to love. You see, the only way a person can hurt us is when we allow ourselves to care, and yes, to love them. Our hearts break because we give people the right to break them.

The risk is great, but being able to posses love makes it worth it- right?

When you love someone – you’ll sacrifice
You’d give it everything you got and you wont think twice
You’d risk it all – no matter what may come
When you love someone

Love makes us smart in a stupid way. People give so much of themselves to the one’s they love to the point that they lose track of who they are and eventually this leads to dissatisfaction and disenchantment. People give so much of their time, effort and sacrifice to the one’s they love that resentment builds up when their significant others fail to offer the same. Some people pour all their heart and soul onto the person that they love, and become crushed when they realize that it will never be reciprocated.

It is said that in typical relationship, there will always be someone who loves the other more- I see this as a power struggle actually, in a sense that: If one of the two loves the other more… He/ she will forever be the less fortunate of the two. Forever, powerless, crippled by his/her devotion to the other half.

Which begs the question: is there ever an equal division of affection / love in a relationship?
Answer: Yes, not a lot of people are capable of pulling it off, but it’s possible.

It’s about balance, it’s basic give and take, not take and take, then give when it pleases you. When you allow yourself to keep giving without taking even a little bit of something from the other, for yourself- you’re being smart in a stupid way.

People who wait for the other to say the words “I love you” are being smart in a stupid way, why?

It saves them from the sting of rejection, yet deprives them from the blissful vindication of their feeling being reciprocated.

People who stay in a dead-end relationship (i.e. physically and emotionally abusive relationships) are being smart in a stupid way.

Their already trampled on self-esteem will not permit them to leave, and they have formed some perverse attachment to their significant other believing that “they didn’t mean it, and at the end of the day they did the act out of love”.

People who allow the one they love to walk away or slip away, are being smart in a stupid way.

They free themselves from the risks that come with love, but live with the regret of letting go of the one they love.

People who cheat on their boyfriend/ girlfriend husbands/wives are being smart in a stupid way.

They find pleasure and excitement in the company of another, while betraying and forsaking those who truly love them.

People who allow the chance of love pass by, are smart in a stupid way,

They will never know the joys or sorrows that come with love, but they will always think about “what might and could’ve been”

People who give up love to avoid the pain, are being smart in a stupid way.

They live their lives free from pain, but deprive themselves the chance of finding true happiness.

The truth is, when it comes to love, we are all smart in a stupid way. There’s no class that teaches us how to love, nobody can teach a person how to love, we just do.

“A life without love, is no life at all” ~ Leonardo da Vinci (from the movie Ever After)

Only an idiot would deprive him/herself from feeling love. And besides, love doesn’t necessarily have to come from a romantic partner, it can come from your parents, friends, and etc.

Love is free, give your love away…

“The wise are wise only because they love. The fool are fools only because they think they can understand love.”

Paulo Coelho quotes

I apologize for the title, I suppose it may sound offensive to others (hence the apology). Let me just warn you ahead that there will be very colorful language added to this entry (who knew? I can be a  versatile writer after all).

Truly, I am not the type of person who swears like a sailor. Rambling aside, I just felt like saying “Sh*T Happens” (trust me, I do have a point to convey here), because when things go wrong, that’s is the first thing that usually comes out of people’s mouths.

“Oh Sh*t I’m late”, “Sh*t I can’t believe this…”, “I got fired. What a load of crap” – (that is still Sh*t by the way)

Get what I mean? It’s a crude way of saying that life is unfair… Don’t get it? Okay, pop quiz:

What was Alanis Morisette really trying to say in the song “Ironic”?
Read between the lines…

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn’t it ironic … don’t you think?

It’s like rain on your wedding day
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take
Who would’ve thought … it figures

What is she trying to say? “Life is unfair and Sh*t happens”.

A traffic jam when you’re already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It’s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn’t it ironic…dontcha think
A little too ironic…and yeah I really do think…

Imagine that, meeting the man of your dreams and then realizing he’s with someone else, doesn’t that make you want to tear your hair out in frustration and just yell “It’s unfair!!!!!!!!!”, “Why me?”. Doesn’t that make you want to throw in the towel and just give up or cease breathing????

Seriously?

Don’t mind me, I happen to have a flair for dishing out a great deal of theatrics, but there, I have successfully enumerated some typical reactions spawned from moments of  frustration.

Now if you’re thinking: “Okay I get the sh*t happens and life is unfair theory, what the heck is the point of all this ahem… crap?”

Good question, allow me to enlighten you.

“Oh, my friend, it’s not what they take away from you that counts.  It’s what you do with what you have left.”

~Hubert Humphrey

Translation:

Life is about learning and the learning process does involve a great deal of crap thrown your way. Like: people losing their jobs, getting mugged, cheating spouses / lovers bla bla, people die, there’s war, global warming, some nut is screaming about the end of the world….

Question: Are you dead?
If the answer is yes (may you rest in peace), but if the answer is no, then what’s the big???

Here are possible solutions to the aforementioned life dramas:

People who lose their jobs – can find new employment, start a business, or take a much needed vacation.

Getting mugged- granted that the person survives the assault (if they are assaulted) they can report the incident to the police, take self-defense classes or never leave the confines of their homes.

Cheating- Hmmm…. there’s breaking up, divorce, couple’s counseling, trial separation, reconciliation (with certain conditions involved).
alternative solutions:
for men who cheat- Castration
for women who cheat- uhhhh….chastity belt?

Dying people- well, there is no solution for that. We’re not immortal you know. We just have to make the most of the time we have with the important people in our lives.

But here are some useful tips:
If you smoke (or know somebody who does) – Quit
Same goes for doing drugs, drinking, excessive unprotected fornication (yes, you can die from that- it’s called AIDS)- and what have you.

War- “Can’t we all just get along?”

Global Warming- I suggest you watch Al Gore’s documentary “An Inconvenient Truth” and learn about what you can do to save Mother Earth.

Crazy guy- Send him to the looney bin OR consider the possibility that he/she may be right.

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
Mark Twain

The point is, we have to suffer or undergo a lot of rather difficult moments in order for us to learn.

Imagine a tree in the middle of a hill with a raging storm going on. No matter how the wind may threaten to uproot the tree, if the tree was planted well, it won’t bend to the will of the tempest, for its roots are planted firmly on the ground. Its branches may sway or break off, its leaves may be torn off, but when the storm ends, the tree will always remain there…

Why? Why, indeed.

It’s called faith, it’s called hope, it’s called strength and if you have planted a great deal of all that in you plus a kick-ass attitude- you will become the resilient tree standing tall on the hill, unafraid of life’s many storms.

Great, I sound like a fortune cookie.

Truth be told, I am the most pessimistic person (perhaps not in the whole wide world), but it has been established that I am morbidly pessimistic. You see, there were certain moments in my life that molded me to become a misanthropic individual, that is incapable of shock on account of all the (excuse my french) merde life has thrown my way.

I can be like Squidward Tentacles (from Spongebob Squarepants). Unlike Spongebob who is bubbly and happy,  I can be pretty unenthusiastic and grumpy like Squidward (sometimes). I have this odd belief that if good things happen to me, bad things are bound to follow.

It was an exhausting existence, always expecting the black cloud to show up at the start of my day, always whining about something- I basically sucked the joy out of every moment AND one day I realized my misfortunes were my fault.

Yes, you read that right, they were my fault, WHY?

Here’s another fortune cookie type statement:

One should never leave the door open for problems to enter. You can overpower any problem as long as you do not allow any problem to overpower you. (HAHA take that! Confucius)

We are in charge of our lives are we not? Ergo, we have every right to take the reins of our life and enjoy the ride, bypassing any roadblocks along the way.
To change your life, to change the way you react to adversity- change your attitude.
It’s that simple really – in the words of Lumiere (from Beauty and The Beast) You don’t believe me? Ask the dishes.

Happiness is an attitude.  We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.  The amount of work is the same.  ~Francesca Reigler

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key.  ~The Eagles, “Already Gone”

The point here people is, life may be unfair and Sh*t does happen, but you have the choice to live life and be positive about it and to flush the (crap) out of your life or step on it (haha) it’s really your choice.

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.  ~Mary Engelbreit

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.  ~Robert Brault